10 Tips for Building Self Esteem in Children

It is surely very important to realize that building self esteem in children is the best way to protect them from all that is happening out there. However, just to know this fact isn't enough, you have to also know HOW to help them build their self esteem.

Here are a 10 tips that I learnt while raising 12 of my own children and working with children in the capacity of teacher, mentor, and counselor.

1. Give genuine and specific praise. Make a conscious effort to "catch them doing something good" and compliment them on it. The way to give the compliment should be age appropriate; for the older children make it short and casual (You did a nice job cleaning your room. Thanks.) For young children you can make it more passionate and exaggerated. (For instance, "I can't believe that you did such a wonderful job on your room! Come, let me give you a kiss for the great job. I just can't wait to see the expression on Mommy's face when she sees how sparkling the room is.)
2. Give constructive criticism. Not to harsh, though. Too much praise doesn't build realistic self-esteem but inflated self-esteem. If the child isn't pushed to grow and be better he could one day wake up to a tremendously depressing reality.
3. Give age appropriate responsibility. There are two ways how this helps to build their self esteem. Firstly, it gives them opportunities to succeed and receive praise. Secondly, they are making a valuable contribution to their family.
4. Make your children feel welcome and wanted. When they come in the house after school or after being away for a long time greet them warmly. If you are on the phone, tell your friend, "I have to get off the phone now, Jane just came in." If you are online; turn the screen off, turn to your child, greet him with a smile, and ask him how he is (Then listen to the answer and don't right back to the computer.
5. Laugh at their jokes. I don't think that there are many better ways of building self esteem in children than to laugh at their jokes and show them that you feel they are witty and clever.
6. Listen to what they have to say about anything (or until you burst!). Unless they say things that are "way off base" hold back your comments. It is worth the effort to endure listening to immature statements that will build his ability to express himself.
7. Instill in your children that although failure hurts it is the stepping stone to success. Don't wait until your child fails at something, though to teach this message. It will be too hard to hear then. Rather when the family is eating or just "chilling" together prepare some stories about great people who failed many times before "making it big". (Do you know how many times Colonel Sander's recipe was turned down before someone bought it?)
8. Encourage them to do things on their own. It is hard for us as parents to watch our children stumble and fall. However, falling is the beginning of growth and if we don't allow them to fall they will have difficulty to value their own abilities.
9. Help your children to make and meet goals. Don't just give them a goal to reach and put it on "auto-drive". If you do this they probably won't make it. Rather monitor their progress and encourage them (with rewards or just some good encouraging words) at every step of the way to insure that they will stick with it and succeed.
10. Thomas D. Yarnell suggests to put a picture of the child with other family members to remind her that she is not alone in the world but that she is a part of a WHOLE to whom she can turn in times of need.

Building self esteem in children might be difficult but it is sure worth the effort. Try these 10 tips and observe the tremendous change in your children.