10 Guaranteed Methods to Build Self-Esteem in Your Spouse!

A lack of self-esteem can wreak havoc in any relationship, but in marriage it can be particularly destructive. Low self-esteem in spouses have been shown to contribute to spousal abuse, child abuse, infidelity, financial problems and divorce. If your spouse has low self-esteem, and you feel that it has no bearing on your marriage, you may be in for a rude awakening.

This type of problem has a way of eroding the foundation of a marriage until there is little left. This can take years of being in an emotional pressure cooker and then one day the spouse just blows. The results can be disastrous.

While you can not make someone else, even your partner, have higher self-esteem (it must come from within), you can help them build self-esteem in themselves.

1. Love them unconditionally. Love your spouse without any limits or conditions. If you have an issue with your spouse's behavior, discuss them and set limits, but do it together.



2. Offer your support. Let your partner know that you support them completely. This means that when your mother is berating your spouse it is your job to step up to your spouse's defense. In a marriage, the relationship between the husband and wife supercedes all other relationships. You should stand by your spouse first and foremost.



3. Show your appreciation. Let your partner know that you appreciate the things that they do. Whether it is a nice dinner or cleaning the garage, let them know that you appreciate it. Are they a great mom or dad? Definitely tell them. If you are looking with an open, loving heart, you won't have to look too hard to find things that your spouse does that you appreciate. Let them know it.



4. Show them your respect. Now, this does not mean that you should be a door mat, but respect your spouse. Say "please" and "thank you." Those are little gestures that go a long way. Don't treat your spouse like a child. They are an adult, treat them as an adult. Nagging at your spouse and treating them as if they were an insolent child is demeaning and disrespectful.



5. Share the credit. No one likes a credit hog and if your spouse has low self-esteem they may not see the contributions, regardless of how minor, that they make to the family and marriage each day. Point out these things not only to your spouse, but to others as well. Brag on your spouse (within earshot preferably) about their ability to fix cars, cook or be a parent, whatever they do well, let it be known!



6. Help them find their "hidden talents". Ask your spouse questions about things that they like to do or do well. You may be surprised. Help them discover their hidden talents. Encourage them to take a class or pursue a dream. Who knows, maybe you both will be interested in it and you can make it a project that you do together.



7. Do little things "just because". Leave notes, give little gifts and do special things for your spouse. But don't wait for a special occasion. "Just because" gestures mean much more.



8. Don't be deprecating, especially in public. Don't put your spouse down. Also, don't generalize statements such as "you always leave the toilet seat up" or "you never take out the trash when I ask." These types of statements will leave your spouse feeling as if they never do anything right. And saying negative things about your spouse (especially making fun of them in public) is just wrong.



9. Express an interest in THEM. Do you know your spouse's favorite color? What is their favorite animal? What did they want to be when they grew up? What is the one dream they would like to fulfill before they die? Find out the little things and then use that information. If your wife loves the color yellow, pick her up a yellow coffee cup "because you saw it and thought of her." Find out your husband's favorite meal and cook it for him "because you appreciate all that he does." Make it a game and take turns asking questions.



10. Don't go it alone. The four most important words to create and maintain a good relationship are "What is your opinion?" This is particularly true in a marriage. Few things zap a person's self-esteem faster than having a partner who does not take their opinions into consideration. Before you make that major purchase or buy that car or even change the color of the kitchen walls just ask your spouse what they think. Let them know that you value and trust their opinion. When you do that you are sending the message that you value and trust them and that can go a long way in making your marriage even better.

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