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Divorce is never an easy thing. This includes divorce for men, divorce for women, and whether you are the one leaving the bad marriage or the one being left. As much as we hope to go through this situation in a calm and civilized manner, a "good divorce" or a "great divorce", the reality is that we always end up at odds with our spouses and the true effects of divorce on us are feelings of being overwhelmed, frustrated, and depression. In my experience and many others, there is no such thing as going through divorces, rather surviving divorce. True, the effects of divorce on some of my friends are a sense of freedom and relief, but for most of them it is pain and a huge sense of loss. But one thing is certain; life after divorce is not the same as it was beforehand. We all carry some or many emotional scars from the bad marriage and the divorce process. As is typical of a lot of women at a young age they never ask themselves, "Why should I get married?". They are still immature and don't know what it means to get married or what they should look for in their life's partner. They have such high hopes and expectations to have a good marriage, be happily married, and raise the ideal family that they never think that they might have to suffer an unhappy married life. But sadly enough, these hopes and dreams crumble when they realize that their marriages are on the rocks and instead of being happily married they are unhappily married. With this realization comes feelings of hurt and disappointment. I was one of those women who had such high hopes and dreams of having the perfect happy marriage, and raising a happy family. It took me less than two years to realize that my dreams won't materialize and my marriage was not what I had expected it to be and I began to ask myself, "Why should I stay married?". It took another two years to realize that I had an abusive spouse and that there is no way for me to avoid divorce. At that time I began to ask myself, "Why did I get married in the first place?".
Finally, after eight years of being unhappily married, including two years of separation I finally was officially and legally divorced. In retrospect I realize that I did not live my marriage, I survived it. But that was not the end of it. During my two years of separation and later on after I was a single parent I never doubted that I had good reasons for divorce. However the effects of divorce on me were a strong feeling of being completely alone and lost. It was horrible! I had no family in the country where I live and no one who I could speak to. I had my two young children to think about and with no money coming in to support the three of us I started to believe that my surviving divorce was just not going to happen. I wasn't going to survive this divorce and also my precious children weren't going to make it. The effects of divorce on my children! was so hard. I had feelings of low self-esteem and that I was a failure for not staying married. My children were confused, hurt, and scared. This prevented me from reaching out to people for help. Thank Heaven, I finally met old acquaintances (who I now consider family) and they helped me slowly get back up on my feet and to begin my life after divorce. They connected me with the most wonderful organizations who began to help me work on the difficult effects of divorce. And, as hard as it was for me, I reluctantly accepted donations to help pay for my bills. I began to receive vegetables and food boxes from these organizations. This too was a difficult outcome of my getting divorced: the concept for me to accept because I was not used to being on the receiving end. Despite the tremendous support and help I received from my friends to ease the bad effects of divorce, I decided to join an organization which gives divorce group support and "post-divorce" advice for women. In this organization I had the opportunity of meeting women who were also in my situation and it helped me feel that I was not alone in this world. I now began to feel that surviving divorce is possible. Even though my married friends always welcomed me and never let me feel uncomfortable about my new status, nevertheless, I felt that I needed to be with women who fully understood and shared my experiences. A lady who hasn't gone through an unhappy marriage with all the horrendous marital problems just can't 100% relate to the other unfortunate ladies. My children too, gained from this organization. They were not the cause for divorce but they surely suffered the bad effects of divorce. In this group,though, they made friends with children from broken homes and, like me, they do not feel any different. Being in this organization has been very helpful to me and my children. It has helped me accept my past and taught me what to expect in the future. The free divorce advice therefore that I give to women who, unfortunately, cannot stay married, cannot avoid divorce, but want to have a life after divorce to:
Today, I feel I am stronger and hopefully smarter from the help and support I have received. I now look forward to see the bad effects of divorce on me and my children become smaller and smaller and that I will see that not only did I survive divorce but also grew from it. To Return to Home Page from Life After Divorce just click. Doesn’t everyone DREAM of healthy relationships?? The basis for everyone’s happiness is, of course, our relationships. The one’s we have with our children,spouse, partner, family, friends, teachers and classmates. Of course, everyone wants them to be healthy, exciting and always making you feel good about yourself! But how do you make that happen? |