How To Begin Saving A Marriage!

Ironically before you can even think of saving a marriage and being happy you have to admit that you have a bad marriage. Your close family members and close friends might have already told you that things aren't the way they should be, but this isn't enough; you have to come to terms with it and be fully convinced that you have marital problems. Only then can you begin to turn your unhappy marriage and self into a happy one.

Don't think for a second, though, that this is an easy chore. There are two main reasons why it is so hard to admit to yourself that you have a bad marriage.

Firstly, even though that to others it seems obvious that you have marital problems, to you, who has been living it long enough, these problems might seem normal.

A second reason, but not any less common, is because people in difficult situations enter a psychological state called denial. Denial is defined in dictionary.com as "an unconscious defense mechanism characterized by refusal to acknowledge painful realities, thoughts, or feelings."

It is very common for alcoholics and other addicts to live in denial; in their mind they can control their bad habit when they chose to and can stop their addictive behavior at any time. They really don't see that they have a problem. Sadly, even after they lose their job, friends and wife because of their drinking habits they still don't see that they have a problem and suffer very sad lives.

The same is true with an unhappy marriage; it is just so hard to face the true reality that you are stuck in a bad marriage so you truly don't see it!

It takes guts to admit to yourself that you are unhappy but, before you begin to ask yourself, "How do I save my marriage?" you have to admit and come to terms with the fact that your "marriage is on the rocks". Only then can you begin the process of saving your marriage.

There are a few signs that can help you to identify trouble in your marriage, for instance:

1. Your relationship causes you physical damage It might begin with chronic headaches. Later it might turn into; depression, hair loss, obesity,tooth and gum disease or ulcers. If you develop any of these symptoms and your doctors can't explain why, your bad marriage might be the culprit.
2. You start mirroring the bad behavior of your spouse? You have also been a very sensitive and compassionate person who had trouble even to kill ants. You suddenly find yourself acting cruelly to your children or to others at work, just the way your spouse acts.
3. Your relationship equates to emotional damage to yourself You used to be a very happy person but now you find yourself sad, depressed, or afraid. You also begin to doubt your self worth and you begin to see yourself as a bad person even though you can't pinpoint what you are doing wrong.
4. Your spouse doesn't let you speak your feelings or isolates you from your friends and families.Abusive partners often times have very low self esteem and therefore are afraid that if you are given the chance to think about the situation you will definitely leave. He/She therefore tries to completely control you.

If you notice that these things are happening to you then the bad new is that, unfortunately, you are probably in a bad marriage; a good marriage or relationship does not cause any of these things and it is about time you do something about it.

On the other hand, the good news is that now that you admit that you have a bad marriage you can now begin to look for ways to save a marriage. Don't give up, just keep on moving forward in the direction of improving your marriage.

Return to Married LIfe from The First Step In Saving A Marriage