Whether you have recently introduced a new child to the family, or you have simply noticed an increased tension in the sibling relationships in your home, it is important that you as a parent take some time to think about what this means. Where is this tension coming from, and what does it mean to your family?
Parents sometimes naively assume that sibling rivalry is something that will blow over if they give it enough time, but the truth is, sometimes parental intervention is vital for keeping siblings on good terms.
Take a look below for some simple things to keep in mind when you are dealing with sibling fighting.
Don't show favoritism! One of the worst things that you can do for sibling relationships is to encourage one child over the other, or to praise one child over the other. Not only will this create resentment between the siblings, you weaken your authority over both children. The child who is perceived as favored will feel more bold, while the other will feel less inclined to come to you with things. Remind yourself to treat both children equally and spend some quality alone time with all of your children in turns.
Avoid refereeing sibling fights as much as possible When you referee a sibling fight, no matter how fair you are the loser will probably feel "cheated" and that you like him/her (the brother or sister) better. Therefore try to stay as neutral as possible. Of course there are times when you just have "make peace" between sibling but try to make those times the exception and not the rule.
Set clear limits in the fights. Kids will fight. There is no way getting around it. However, teach your children that there is an appropriate way to fight and an inappropriate way to fight. For instance, talking and maybe even yelling might be acceptable (it depends how much you can tolerate), pushing, shoving and hitting are definitely not. Make it very clear that such behavior will not be tolerated. Physical violence is something that stays with children, especially when it is committed by a family member, so make sure that your children won't resent each other for it.
Don't compare your children. While it is easy to avoid negative things like, “Your brother could do so much better!” you'll find that it is harder to take out more complimentary phrases. Things like “This drawing is as good as your sister's” or “You're good at math, just like your brother!” can be equally negative. It lets your child believe that his or her accomplishments will always be dictated by what their sibling has done. This is particularly problematic for younger siblings.
Respect your children's boundaries. The natural jealousy that older children have towards younger siblings who are often much cuter and have less responsibilities than they themselves are greatly aggravated when parents let the young siblings use the older siblings possessions without being asked. Remember that the older children don't want to feel that they are servants of their younger siblings.
Sibling relationships can be quite troubled, but you have the power to make them a little bit better. Take some time and think about your own childhood and your own relationships with your siblings. Remember that you can make things a little better, by thinking carefully about how you want to do it.
