Sibling Rivalry: What Should I Do About It?

Sibling rivalry is very common and it happens in most families. If your children fight with each other don't panic. As long as the siblings remain generally happy and maintain a good relationship, it can be considered part of the normal stages of growing up.

Sibling rivalry, however, which causes continuous unhappiness in a child must be dealt with. If you ignore it might not go away and it could cause your child to difficulty making and maintaining interpersonal relationships even when he becomes an adult.

There are a few reasons for sibling rivalry, jealousy and provocation:

• Low self-esteem.
• Lack of social skills.
• Aggressive or envious personalities.

Sub-consciously, people with low self esteem are dissatisfied with themselves and look to others, especially family members, for validation.

When their view is focused "outward", what others think and say, they become jealous since they feel that everyone is better than themselves. When this unfortunate person also lacks good social skills he releases his frustration and envy by "starting up" with his siblings. He is also easily provoked. This is the main cause for sibling rivalry.

The best way to deal with sibling rivalries, and most problems with children, is to do it indirectly. If you deal with it directly you risk the danger of one of the parties blaming you that you are taking sides and this could result in losing your connection with him.

Therefore to tackle this problem of sibling rivalries parents should:

• Ensure the child receives plenty of love and sufficient attention.
• Spend quality time with the troubled child. This makes him feel important and boosts his self esteem.
• Check possible causes for the child's discontent.
• Encourage an open dialogue with your child. Do Not scold and yell at him. It has an adverse effect.
• Another good tactic is that, after he is calm, ask him what he would advise his friend to do in a similar situation. You will be amazed at the original and quality ideas that he comes up with.
• Discuss with his teacher what is happening with him in school. His behavior in the house might be connected with what is happening with him in school. Ask her for strategies, and solutions. Remember a lot of teachers have much more experience than we have with children. Also enlist the teacher's help in a plan to build the child's self esteem
• If need be, go to a child psychologist (without the child) for ideas and solutions.

Jealousy and provocation could occur at any age. It usually occurs during childhood, when the child is searching and creating his self identity, but don't be surprised if it starts during adolescence or even adulthood!

The younger the child the easier and more effective the solution will be. Once your child has left home and is a mature adult he may balk at accepting your unsolicited advice.

If your adult child does not get along well with one of his siblings, to the point that it disrupts normal family relationships, then intervention is in place.

Some possibilities interventions:

1. If you have a sound relationship with your child, try and get him to open up and discuss the problem. Remain impartial so that your efforts should bear fruit.
2. You could speak to a third party such as a spouse or close friend who could advise your child.
3. Get an objective person to mediate between the two.
4. If there is more chance that the second sibling will accept advice than work from that angle.Much discretion and tact will be required in any endeavor.

Building self esteem in children, in general, and after it has caused family fighting isn't any easy task. However, don't give up! A lot of the happiest and most successful people who I know grew up with strained sibling relationships but worked things out.

Make the effort and you will see that it was well worth it.

Follow This Link To Discover Causes of Sibling Rivalries

Follow This Link To Learn What to avoid to enhance sibling relationships